[Tuesday Love Song : Gnash - I Hate U, I Love U]

Feeling used, but I'm still missing you

And I can't see the end of this

Just wanna feel your kiss against my lips

And now all this time is passing by

But I still can't seem to tell you why

It hurts me every time I see you

Realize how much I need you

I hate you, I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to, but I can't put

Nobody else above you

I hate you, I love you

I hate that I want you

You want her, you need her

And I'll never be her

I miss you when I can't sleep

Or right after coffee or right when I can't eat

I miss you in my front seat

Still got sand in my sweaters

From nights we don't remember

Do you miss me like I miss you?

Fucked around and got attached to you

Friends can break your heart too

And I'm always tired but never of you

If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit

I put this reel out, but you wouldn't bite that shit

I type a text, but then I nevermind that shit

I got these feelings, but you never mind that shit

Oh oh, keep it on the low

You're still in love with me, but your friends don't know

If you wanted me, you would just say so

And if I were you, I would never let me go

I don't mean no harm, I just miss you on my arm

Wedding bells were just alarms

Caution tape around my heart

You ever wonder what we could have been?

You said you wouldn't and you fucking did

Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix

Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed

Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing

Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance

I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing

But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings

When love and trust are gone

I guess this is moving on

Everyone I do right does me wrong

So every lonely night, I sing this song

All alone, I watch you watch her

Like she's the only girl you've ever seen

You don't care, you never did

You don't give a damn about me

Yeah, all alone, I watch you watch her

She's the only thing you've ever seen

How is it you never notice

That you are slowly killing me

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[5 Sebab Perempuan Takut Nak Kahwin]

Salam Korang ! Hai !

Peanut baru-baru ni rajin pulak nak mengodek-godek entry lama kat blog nil. Mostly zaman peanut muda remaja masih bergelar pelajar lagi. Time rajin sampai sanggup pergi lab time laptop rosak semata-mata nak update blog. Yang paling menarik perhatian peanut ialah entry mengenai Lima Sebab Kenapa Perempuan Nak Kahwin Awal yang ditulis pada tahun 2011 ketika peanut berusia 21 tahun.

Ya. Lima tahun selepas entry itu ditulis, peanut masih belum kahwin. Tadaaaa. Dan tetiba datang idea nak tulis kenapa peanut tak kahwin-kahwin lagi. There was a lot a reason tpi rasenya lima ni lah yang paling penting.

1) Statistik Kes Penceraian Muda Semakin Meningkat

Yang ni memang peanut akui di antara sebab peanut sendiri takut nak kahwin awal. Ye, pengalaman kawan-kawan. Ramai yang dah kahwin bagi nasihat "As orang dah kahwin, aku nasihatkan ko jangan gopoh-gopoh nak kahwin macam aku" , ayat macam tu pun dah buat aku fikir nambelas kali. scarry kah life orang dah kahwin ni sampai kawan aku bagi ayat macam tu?
Bila dengar jer ada kawan yang bercerai muda, terus rasa cuak. bila yang bercerai tu plak perempuan yang baik-baik, kiranya calon isteri mithali.perfect. Kalau compare dengan peanut, confirm macam langit dan bumi. If someone nice like her pun kene cerai, how bout me? How bout me yang imperfect segala benda ni? I know it is so stupid to think like that. tapi for single girl yang imperfect, konfirm fikir bukan-bukan. Like how to meet the high expectation dan lain-lain.
Selain tu, facebook dan media sosial juga memainkan peranan penting, lagi-lagi sekarang ada banyak page yang siarkan confession pasal perkahwinan dan viral. Kisah perkahwinan yang kita rasa x kan berlaku di dunia nyata, rupanya tengah berlaku dalam dunia orang lain. kisah macam how family arrange marriage turned to be disaster or kisah macam 10 years lovey dovey tapi marriage last for months jer. Kalau ko single, konfirm ko cuak nak kahwin kan? Like "love doesn't exist anymore"

2) Terlalu Selesa Berdikari

I reaaallly do. I really like to do my things by m self. Name it .pergi beli groceries? pergi renew roadtax? pergi service kereta? pergi tukar tayar kereta? Pergi kenduri kahwin? You name it. I can do it myself. And I don't know how a "husband" fit to my life in all these things. I afraid that i used to do my own things by myself, then I took his role on it.  I really scare , if kenkonon dia feeling x needed since I used to do all things by myself. I think problem ni all career women lalui. Too independent sampai rasa tak perlukan a husband pun in life. 

3) Tiada Pilihan Yang Dirasakan Sesuai

Yup. Salah satu sebab jugak. Bila rasa cam si dia sesuai, rupanya si dia tak suka kita. Bila ada orang yang suka kita, rasa cam " No, i cant live with him".  Ingat senang ke nak pilih teman hidup? bukannya nk pilih teman pergi makan, ni seumur hidup weh. Bukannya hari ni tak suka, esok leh campak dalam tong sampah. I have to learn to tolerate. But with the chosen one. Yang willing to tolerate with my nonsense too. and until now, i cant find anyone worth to spend my life with. 

4) Takut Dengan Tanggungjawab

Yes. I do afraid. I afraid if I can't take responsibility as a wife. Bujang nk tukar ke wife orang ni bukannya sesenang ko tukar relationship kat facebook tu. Macam life changing tau. But a big one. Bukan remaja ke dewasa. Tapi more than that. That's a lot of responsibilities as a wife. Masak. Basuh baju tu semua common weh. Kalau ko tak reti buat, tak yah jadi wife orang. More than that. Like dengar cakap if suami cakap balik raya rumah dia, weh ko sapa nak bantah. Or suami said you cant see your bestfriend anymore, ko kene ikut weh. Banyak lagi tanggungjawab yang mana ko kene involve suami ko dalam big or small decision nak kene buat. Your willingness if husband mintak berenti kerja? Omaigod, i cant even imagine i stop being auditor. Your willingness to cut all connection to outsider , I really cant think i ready for big responsibility in my life. Ko pergilah google sendiri apa tanggugjawab isteri ni. 

5) Jodoh Tak Sampai Lagi

Dan yang paling penting, inilah sebab utama peanut tak kahwin-kahwin lagi. yup sebab jodoh tak sampai-sampai lagi. And If Allah Willing, it will someday.
"Jodoh memang tak kemana. Tapi awak tu kat mana?"

Till next time. Bye! 

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Membaca tanpa mengomen ibarat berak x basuh. eii. yerk!

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