[CRUSH : TO CONFESS OR NOT TO]

Hai Semua !

Lama rasanya dah tak ber-girl-talk kat blog ni. Berkurun lamanya dah tak berbincang mengenai masalah hati perempuan ni. Tajuk Girl’s Talk peanut kali ni adalah mengenai Crush : To confess or not to. Bercakap pasal crush ini, peanut yakin, semua perempuan pernah or masih ada crush. Yang lelaki tak pasti lak peanut ada jugak ke crush-thing ni.

Ada yang pernah crush since schools, since universiti . Ada jugak yang crush kat officemate. Dapat tengok pun kau dah gembira, apatah lagi kalau crush tegur kau, melompat kebahagiaan lah kau. Untuk kes-kes normal, crush selalunya tak kenal pun malah tak tahu pun kewujudan kau. Tapi ada kes yang mana, your crush is your bff. Dalam tak sedar kau jatuh cinta dengan BFF kau sendiri. Eh ini untuk kes BFF lelaki dan perempuan jer tau. Bukan kes lelaki-lelaki ataupun perempuan-perempuan.

That’s what happened to me. I had crush on my BFF. To make it worse, I do confess. And the question now, is it the best decision I made? Did I happy with my choice? Or did I regret to death? 

My BFF was my schoolmate but we be friend only after school during school reunion. It was just friend back then. Then, he worked nearby me, and we became close. At first, we hanged out together with other friends as well. We become close as friend. Then, we went out just two of out. Watch some movie, eating, as well as shopping. Since then, I become his close friend. Sometime, we talk on phone after meeting. Sometime we texted until one of us fell asleep. I had crush on him since then.

Suddenly, he had to go back to hometown and worked there. I was surprised and sad at the same time since we were close. But I take it easily. We did contact each other. Sometime I say hi and asked how he was doing. We started became apart. We were still friend, But not as close as before.

After few years, I had to go back hometown too due to my personal reason and start my new life there. We become close again. We went for eating together. We went for the wedding. He shared so much, about his life, his personal life, his family, his work, even the secret that he did not share with anyone else. Same goes to me. I told him my problem. My sufferings. We become BFF again, and then I realized. The crush things that I had on him was not just a crush. I FELT FOR HIM!

For some reason, I personally think that he had same feeling as me. He never told, but sometime we can read all those hints. I was so confident that I thought I had to confess. I had those confident after he asked me to stay work in hometown when I was offered work in other city that far from him. That’s how I got my confident. I gathered all my courage and confess to him. To be honest he shocked and I was hurt since I did not expect that reaction.

He told me he was shocked that I had those feelings. He admitted that I was the closest female friend that he had. The closest friend that he had share all his problem. He was comfortable with me. But he did not had feeling towards me. I was just a friend to him. Ha asked me why? Why I fall for him. To be honest, I did not have any reason. I did not know why I like him. I could not find any reason why I love him.

We become distant. From a close friend to just a stranger. The friendship ruin. I hurt. Deeply wound. I try to be friend. Like old time, but I ended up hurting myself. It hurt me more seeing how okay he was doing. How okay he was without me, his closest friend. Did my place as a friend was being replaced? Did he not feeling like losing me?

Truthfully, the confession hurt me more than I thought it could. Our friendship ruined, but, I had to. There was no relationship between male and female. Either they fall for each other, or one of them did. In my case, it worse. I fall, but he did not. But I did not regret that I confessed. I did not regret that I fall for him. He was the best-friend I had. I never forget how kind he was, how much help he already done to me. I will cherish those moment. I never regret knowing him. I never regret confessed to him. I feel grateful he told me the truth. So that I won’t hurt more by having false hope. The only regret I had we became the stranger after all the things we done as BFF.

Dear FA, thank you. Thank you for being honest. Thank you to make me wakeup from the false hope. Im sorry, but I am still moving on. Do you know that it is really hard to move on from you? Do you know that you are not easy to forget? I am trying my best to get rid of this feeling. I wish you well. I wish you to meet good woman that destined to you. I wish for your happiness eventho it was not me.

Back to our topic, should you confess or not to your crush. That answer lies with you. It depends on how much risk you willing to take. In my opinion, I vote for confess. At least he knows, and you know how he feel rather than wait for it to happened. If he does feel the same, then you are lucky fella. Happy ending. End of the story. But if he does not, do not worry. At least you know. And you can give the chance to other people than wait for him. Other guy that might be the one. You will hurt, deeply hurt, but someday you will move on. I will.

So girls, gather your courage and start to confess to your crush. Please don’t keep those feeling to yourself and keep on having high hope, coz its really dangerous to your heart. I know it is not easy. You will think how close you guys are, and the thought that you are losing him will haunt you, but you cant wait forever, and there is no close- friendship between male and female. Trust me.

There is quote saying that we had to let go people we love, if it was mean to be, it will mean to be.

Till then, Bye. 

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[SESI NGEPEK : BETUL KE ITU JODOH AWAK?]

Jodoh.

Post ini adalah untuk yang suka bertanya pasal KAHWIN.

"Bila nak kahwin? Dah umur berapa ni? Kalau zaman Makchik ni, anak dah enam dah kalau baya kau ni"

"Kau memilih sangat ni. Kau ingat kau lawa?"

"Aku dah anak nambelas, kau bila lagi?"

"Kau tak nampak ke aku tayang kebahagian aku kat fb ni. Kau tak jeles ke?.

"Kesian kau hidup sorang" ok.soklan last ni aku reka.

Aku serius kadang-kadang buat tak layan jer soalan ni. Tapi. Just so you know, this questions have so much impacts to others. Lagi-lagi yang jenis hati tisu. Kekadang soalan macam ni men"demotivate" kan sesorang malah merendahkan tahap konfiden sesorang. Not me obviously. I have high level of confident that coming out of no where. Nyanyi tak sedap pun ada hati nak layan apps smule. Eh salah topik

Bagi korang yang dah kawen setahun dua or baru seminggu dua ni. Aku ada sedikit pertanyaan yang aku nk lontarkan.

Yakinkah korang yang korang kahwin tu jodoh korang?

Yakin kah korang yang jodoh korang akan berkekalan atau jodoh hanya utk setahun dua atau seminggu dua?

Korg sendiri pun tak yakin dan aku yakin korang pun hari hari doa agar jodoh korang berpanjangan. Daripada korang dok tnya soalan menguris hati, baik korang doakan jodoh terbaik buat kawan korang . tak gitu?


Jodoh ni rahsia Allah S.W.T. tak sapa yang tahu. Pasangan kau pun tak tahu. Mak ayah kau pun tak tahu. Yang peramal jodoh tu lagilah tak tahu. Depa semua buat-buat tahu jer.  Daripada dok bercakap pasal benda menguris hati, kawan ko yang terguris hati ni dengan tak sengaja mendoakan kehancuran kau. Nak gitu.

Baik sama-sama doakan kebahagian semua. Doakan jodoh terbaik buat senua orang. Doakan jodoh semua orang berkekalan. Mungkin juga, esok aku berjodoh dengan kematian. Well who knows. Siapa kita untuk nenidakkan jodoh dan ajal maut?

Doakan terbaik untuk kita tauuu. 😘😘😘😘

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[Misi Melawan Jerawat : Ubat dan Skincare]

Salam and  Hi!

Peanut hari ni nak menulis sikit pasal jerawat. Ye. Masalah jerawat ni memang nightmare buat gadis -gadis di luar sana  dan turut menjadi masalah buat sebahagian lelaki.

Masalah jerawat peanut ni bermula dari zaman sekolah menengah lagi ketika form 5. Sebelum tu, memang tak ade sebijik pun . muka pun setakat gelap burn zaman remaja muda mudi jer. Bila dah naik sebijik, terus sampai sekarang bertumbuh dengan jayanya.

Masalah peanut ni sebenarnya berkait dengan resdung. So peanut dah pantang seafood semua tu. Naik jerawat setakat sebijik dua jer. Tpi sejak balik kampunh kat Kelantan, budu tu kira hidangan wajib setiap kali makan, itu yang trigger masalah jerawat ni untuk makin teruk.

Macam-macam dah peanut usahakan, dari produk skincarw yang mahal kepada yang murah, malah petua ubat traditional semua peanut dah buat. Kalau ade kawan peanut yang ada masalah jerawat,pastu tetiba okay, peanut siap pm kt facebook tnya. Sampai satu point dah meluat nak try apa-apa produk skincare lagi.

So baru- baru ni peanut ade ke klinik. Niat utama nak buat medical checkup for pre-employment, then doctor yang kacak tu tanya peanut nak tak ubat jerawat. On him sebagai tanda perpisahan. Dah lah handsome, baik hati lak tu plus suka bergurau. Siap doc tu cakap kalau menjadi, awak kena bawa pulut kuning untuk saya and wish goodluck kat tempat kerja baru.  Peanut dengan tanpa segan silunya cakap nak. So bermulaalah misi melawan jerawat ni.

Misi Melawan Jerawat.

1) Vitamin C

Okay yang ni bukan doc tu bagi . yang ni kawan peanut yang syorkan. So vitamin c ni elok untuk kulit. Buat masa sekrang peanut suka vitamin c ni. Vitamin c ni larut dlm air. Normally peanut ambil pada waktu pagi and limit sebijik jer tau sehari.

2) Oxy Trial Set

Lama jugaklah peanut melilau dalam drug stores semata-mata nak cari skincare yang okay untuk acne. Macam-macam brand ade. Tp oxy as we all knows, memang specialised untuk jerawat. So untuk set ni ada cleanser , toner and moisturizer. Memang pedih serius pedih tapi macam best sebab seminggu dah pakai nampak lah jerawat berkurang and semakin pudar. So nk terus kan for a month and tengok ape yang alan berlaku kat jerawat peanut ni. Okay, additional note, selain merawat acne, set trial ni ada bahan seaweed and aloe, so dia baiki gak tisu kulit kita yang hancur dek jerawat tu.

3) Krim Jerawat Tretinon

Okay. Yang ni yang doc tu bagi . satu lgi ubat jerawat kat bawah ni. Lepas dah cuci muka bersih-bersih and biarkan muka kering then sapu krim ni ke tempat yang ada jerawat. Tempat yang jerawat besar-besar tu, peanut letak banyak sikit .Bajet cepat heal. Haha .

4) Ubat Jerawat

Yang ni pun satu lagi Dr Ziyad tu bagi. Yang ni kene makan sebelum tido lepas dah tak nak makan apa-apa dah . sebijik setiap malam. ade 30 bijik cukup untuk sebulan.

Ni pulak muka peanut sebelum peanut amalkan ubatan diatas iaitu few days before i write this entry. Memang teruk. And lately makin teruk sampai satu tahap peanut malas nak pakai makeup  . punyalah dah meluat tahap tak rasa feeling insecure pun.

Lepas dah sebulan nanti peanut share ape jadi and berjaya tak Misi Melawan Jerawat ni. Kalau berjaya, bolehlah korang yang ada masalah jerawat ni try plak. Ye idak.

First day 23 April 3016

27 April 2016 ( After 5 days) both guna camera biasa no edit.

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[Masalah hati]

Salam,

Bila bercakap pasal hati, peanut adalah manusia yang memang tak reti nak bagi nasihat pasal hati. But, sometime my friends will ask me for my advice when they get heartbroken. Secara jujurnya, peanut akan cakap, peanut failed bab heartbroken and normally tak pernah follow my own advise pun. Diorang tetap akan mintak advise yang peanut sendiri tak follow tu pun.

Its funny how we can advise others when it comes to heart or love problems. But, when it happened to us, we couldnt even apply that. But i feel good since eventhough my my problem did not solve, but at least i help others to solve theirs.

Bila dah berusia ni. Well i like to call my age as 'matang' dari 'berusia', peanut lebih berhati- hati untuk jatuh hati. Untuk sayang orang. Believe me or not, i had been single since 2012. Bila seusia peanut ni, peanut dah 26, yes i know im old. Im not looking for childish love, im looking for mature relationship.

Peanut kenal cinta since peanut form 5. Well, it was the age when all your have boyfriends, and you just need one. Cinta monyet. A boy yang falled in love with me when he saw me sleep dalam bas during our school trip. And i like him too. So on jerlah. Hanya bertahan like less than a year. Since it was my first puppy love, kecewa tu kalah mati laki. I was at Matric Perak at that time. Nangis dalam selimut . and suddenly i woke up and studied in library because the room just too  filled. much of his memories. Yelah. Dok gayut. Dok mesej. Dok bercerita. Ended up, that semester i got four flat. Thanks to the heartbroken.

Then, adelah kenal dengan dua tiga lelaki lain lepas tu. But, since i was heartbroken before, i was not serious into any of relationship. To be honest, i just want someone to accompany my bore time. This continued until i studied in universiti.

Then i met this guy, my former batchmate kt matric. So dengan yang ni cm serious sikit. But still i was inmature. I was easily jealous because of the long distant relationship. And because he was good looking. I felt insecure. After up and down,  i found out that he cheated on me when i was interned. Time tu peanut interned kat Damansara and he was at Shah Alam. How come he cheated on me when we met regularly.

I could not remember how i found out, but it might be the girl texted asking my relationship with him. I confronted him but ofcourse he wont admit. At last he admit, so i was so hearbroken. Tipulah kalau tak nanges. Dia cam okay i cheated on you and i wanted that girl. I cam okay eventho i really pissed. Then, peanut suruh dia datang ambil semua barang yang pernah bagi even i love the huggable domokun tp still i need to get rid of it. Dia cm xnak but i said i dont care. I will throw it in the dumpster. He seem not even heartbroken and it really make me more heartbroken.

But the miracle happened. Esoknya tu dia called, texted, whatsapped, bbmed, tried contacting me in every media sosial i had. I didnt know what make him to want me because last night he was like over me. Not even loved me. Tetiba jer, "i cant live without you". What the fish. I ignored him. He said he couldnt choose he loved me and her both equally. I cam what the heck, and i just said to him if you cant choose, then i choose to leave you. dia cam dah panik.

Then dia ugut nak datang tunggu me at my intern place and nak datang my apartment. I siap balik lambat malam tu and had to ask my friend to fetch me. Peanut siap keluar g makan dulu and then baru text him. Hati perempuan lepas kene pujuk mestilah cair, we back together not because i love him. I was done with him. I just didnt wanna him to disturb me during works. So our relationship went as usual but this time i make a limitation to my self, not to love him to much and not to trust him 100%. And my instint were corect, he cheated on me second time with the same girl. So, lepas peanut bagi sedas dua, he gone from my life for good.

So after the last relationship, peanut tak pernah couple dengan sesiapa since then. Tipulah cakap tak de siapa nak. Tipulah kalau cakap tak de rasa nk in relationship. Ofourse i wanted to but i havent found anyone yet. Setakat suka suka biasa adelah. Just suka. And to be honest, ramai laki orang nk try me. Laki orang biasalah came with their problems and ofcourse, it was their wife 's fault no matter what. Am i "someone else husband"' magnet's? Kalau tak kuat, serius memang terpikat. But i had one rule that i will never take someone's husband.

Bila dah clash pada usia 22 tahun and time tu peanut kerja as auditor, i was super busy nak cari partner. But then, i tetiba reconnect with old friends from school. Niat asal memang kawan, but with him , i felt comfortable. So peanut anggap it was  a crush only. Then , kami kurang rapat because of the distant, tpi still contact but tak regularly macam before. I really didnt like to show i like someone. I try to get rid of it. And distant really a good factor contribute to it.

But then, when i thought i was over crush on him, peanut tetiba had a problem and kena balik stay at hometown which is nearby to him. Mula- mula dia ajak jumpa keluar minum air. Peanut awal awal cam menolak since i had problem. And i need to focus on it first. Lepas tu, kitorng jumpa. When i thouhgt that i get rid of thw feeling, but the suddenly i just awaken that feeling. I still like him the way o like jim before. Sometime berdua, sometime dengan kawan-kawan lain. Sometime g wedding.  As a friend.

But it seriously complicated. I dont know what is our relationship. At this age, im not looking for a love couple things  . im into mature relationship . but he did not say anything. Not even give me hope. But i saw a lot of hints that well i guess we can see when someone have feeling for us. Or i just "syok sendiri".

This is problem now. I dont think its a crush anymore. It is love. But i am too afraid to tell him that i like him and ruined our friendship. But then, its really hurt my heart to keep this a secret. I dont know why i write this entry and what do i plan to accomplished. I maybe just wanna express in writing. And maybe some day, i have courage to tell him my feeling and put our friendship on risk. Because it seem easier to move on that way..

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[Love Words]

Salam you olls,

Di pagi yang berbahagia ni, fulaaaamaaak ayat,  hujan lebat kemain  and i was 5 minutes late to work. kene stay additional 5 minutes lah nampaknya hari ni. ini semua Faizdickie punya pasal lah. eh sapa mamat poyo faizdickie ni? nah ig id : @faizdickie pergi usha sendiri. jangan malas hahah

semalam sebelum tido biasalah. haruslah check segala bentuk media sosial. kene tahu perkembangan terkini sebelum tido kan. and then lastly, bukak instagram. Tengok semua orang dok show off picture. Kita tahulah note kita rosak. tab x cantik nak ambil gambar. sobss. Sejak-sejak Faizdickie ni jadi omputih ni, normally dia akan post tengah-tengah malam since kat sana dunia baru nak mula kan. so layan lah IG si faiz ni. terkekek-kekek gelak layan video si faiz ni pasal how awkward to say i love you to someone close to us. well, most of us, i do think kita sesenang-senang minum air jer akan cakap "i love you" kat boyfriend or girlfriend. tapi kat parents? family or bestfriend? 

Bagi peanut yang di besarkan di persekitaran yang we do not say love words to much, it is really awkward. Bukanlah peanut di lahirkan di lorong-lorong hitam ke apa, tapi peanut tinggal di kampung. Mana ade sebelum pagi- pagi pergi sekolah cakp kat mak ayah " Bye ma abah, i love you" or " Bye ma abah, ira sayang korang" no. we did not. full stop. So, when Faiz challenged me *actually not only me, all his followers, tapi saje nk wat ayat cam faiz only challenge me  , i was hesitate at first. how awkward it could be? and i was so not confident to say it. Padahal zaman lovey dovey dulu dalam sehari mahu sepuluh kali cakp " i love you" kat boyfriend yang kononnya setia sampai mati tapi tak de pulak kekal sampai sekarang. 

So, i took the challenge and say i love you to people surrounding me that i do love them more than i can say which are family and closed friends. And their respond is hilarious. 









Geng kakak-kakak confirmlah ingat aku salah group and terus tukar topik. ade yang ingat aku mengingau tengah malam. dan ada jugak yang ingat aku terkena virus. hahaha. and ada jugak yang kantoikan aku.

See. You can see the respond when we say "i love you" to close people. Kalau boyfriend cakap i love you confirm laju jer cakap " i love you too! muah cikit!" haha. but what happened when we say love words to family, relative and close friends. Confirm diorang ingat esok lusa kita nk mati pergi. So, how about we took the challenge and say love words to the person we really mean it. Sebenarnya kan zaman lovey dovey dulu, ckp love you sebab terpaksa jawab. kan tak jawab ckp tak sayang, tapi actually how deap and how meaningful that words actually? The one person that i really wanna say those words is my late mother but yes, there is no phone there that  i can make a call to say i love you. But deep down, i know she knew i love her so much.

However, i do sent "i love you" words to random people in my wechat list and they totally make my day. Happy Wednesday peep!

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[Girls Talk#1: Hala Tuju Selepas Degree. Haluan Kerjaya kah? Belajarkah? Kahwin kah?]

Assalamualikum. tetiba malam ni nk wat entry versi serius lak. maklumlah, bila dah tinggal kurang daripada satu bulan lagi nk habiskan pengajian ni, banyak pulak yang bermain-main di fikiran, lebih-lebih lagi, kalau tengah berborak dengan kengkawan. Girls Talk.

yup. buatkan peanut terfikir. habis sem ke tujuh ni, maka secara tak rasminya akan memasuki alam kerjaya walaupun dengan permulaan sebagai student internship. kiranya macam beginner dalam alam kerjaya ni. then, after tu, apa akan jadi kat kitorang. lebih2 lagi perempuan ni. kalau ada rezeki, bolehlah sambung berkerja kat tempat internship, tu pun kalau dapat kan. tapi kalau x dapat, mcam manalah masa depan ni. setelah bertalk2 dengan gurl2 peanut, kami keluar dengan beberapa options selain berkerja, iaitu sambung study ataupun kahwin. kahwin? gewdik lak. hheee


sebagai student accounting. memang peanut aim untuk dapat kerja kat big four audit firm kat Malaysia iaitu Earnst & Young, KMPG, Price Water Cooper House, dan jugak Delloitte. maklumlah, fresh graduate kenelah tempa nama barulah boleh survive. Resume tu kenelah bagi cantik sikit kan2x. tapi, nk dapatkan tempat kat big four tu memang susah lah sikit, penatlah kerja kene lebih masa.

selain itu, kalau rajin boleh lah sambung study master. tapi, sigh. peanut tak berapa rajin nk kembali masuk universiti, masuk kuliah, buat assignment, buat projek, exam lagi. malas betullah. tapi kalau jenis yang rajin bolehlah. peanut bukan pe, memanglah kene cari ilmu setinggi gunung, ada isu gak kalau belajar tinggi2 kan tak ada orang nak masuk meminang lak. hee

the other option, kahwin! yeah, nampak seronok dan gembira. yelah sapa tak gembira kawin kan. boleh bina hidup bahagia. ada orang yang jaga. hidup gembira bahagia. tapi, dah bersedia ke nak kahwin? dah cukup segala ilmu untuk menjadi isteri orang? dah cukup tahap kesabaran dan ketabahan nk tempuhi alam rumah tangga? maklumlah alam rumah tangga ni bukanlah setakat gembira dan bahagia jer, ada gak suka duka sikit2 kan. maklumlah asam manis rumah tangga.

bagi peanut, sama ada study ke , kerja ke, kahwin ke, peanut ikut jer dengan flow. kalau ade rezeki sambung kerja kat tempat internship, alhamdunillah, bersyukur sangat2. kalau dapat tawaran sambung master pun peanut terima jer walaupun memang malas sangat nk masuk study balik. and kalau jodoh dah sampai, konfirm kahwin jugak. kan2x?

ini perspektif perempuan. Girls Talk. so, how about you guy's?

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