MISSING YOU

Yesterday, i got a call from the one that i less expected. Nick. He is one of my batch mates at work. Apparently he said that he did not see me thus worried about me. I was crying before he called thus my voice really sound as crying. A few tears dropped. 

Its good to have someone that concerns about you when you are super down. Audit line is probably terrible work with crazy working hours. and yes crazy superior or sometime people that practice early to be superior. 

Nick make me promised to call him in whatever case. I knew he also got very shitty jobs and deal with unreasonable superior most of the time, but it nice of him to have a thought about friend who is stress about work. 

And then few minutes after we finished our phone call, Ngoh , my aunt called me. Asking me whether im ok. Apparently, another aunt had called her and telling her that  i was so depress about work. With this witty eyes, i started crying. You know the feeling that when u are crying you can talked, even though u try hard to. I told her im ok with this voice , who will gonna believe this? Her voice also started to startle. We had a long talk which is yes she do most of the time because i was busy crying. And then, she said wants to come to my house. She said we need to talk. 

This morning she came. We have the talks from heart to heart. from a mom to her daughter. Truly, i need this conversation . i need someone to support me. And this is it. I cant take any advice from friends. I mean yes i do listen, but i cant follow. i cant be patient. i cant be strong . But today conversation with Ngoh changed a lot. I need someone to concern about me, to tell me its okay to back off. Resignation is not a failure.  I need this.

Yes. All this is because of work. I had been working in audit line from February 2012. And  lately, the passion was lost. It started when i did not have interest anymore. I was planning to resign early before last peak but since i don't want to cause a problem of sudden resign thus i postponed it. and apparently once u go through the peak period and become the senior, works are having no ending. Even though you have not yet finished the job, another job will come. It makes me crazy. plus need to deal with superior that sometime are bitchy then what they appeared. 

And a call from my aunt is really like a CALL. A wake up call that yes family more important. I lost my mom since i was 13. And this 13 years was really precious to me compared to another 11 years that i live without mother. yes, i need a mom in this very tension situation. i need a mom to support whatever decision i made. I was alone. Every decision i made i did not consult with anyone. I went to any exam without mother's blessing. I wanted to talk to her whenever some man had hurt my heart. I just need a mom. It is hard to life without one. 

I dont know how to say this to you. After 11 years life without you, pretending strong, but today, i am totally missing you ma. i do. 

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Membaca tanpa mengomen ibarat berak x basuh. eii. yerk!

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