[CRUSH : TO CONFESS OR NOT TO]

Hai Semua !

Lama rasanya dah tak ber-girl-talk kat blog ni. Berkurun lamanya dah tak berbincang mengenai masalah hati perempuan ni. Tajuk Girl’s Talk peanut kali ni adalah mengenai Crush : To confess or not to. Bercakap pasal crush ini, peanut yakin, semua perempuan pernah or masih ada crush. Yang lelaki tak pasti lak peanut ada jugak ke crush-thing ni.

Ada yang pernah crush since schools, since universiti . Ada jugak yang crush kat officemate. Dapat tengok pun kau dah gembira, apatah lagi kalau crush tegur kau, melompat kebahagiaan lah kau. Untuk kes-kes normal, crush selalunya tak kenal pun malah tak tahu pun kewujudan kau. Tapi ada kes yang mana, your crush is your bff. Dalam tak sedar kau jatuh cinta dengan BFF kau sendiri. Eh ini untuk kes BFF lelaki dan perempuan jer tau. Bukan kes lelaki-lelaki ataupun perempuan-perempuan.

That’s what happened to me. I had crush on my BFF. To make it worse, I do confess. And the question now, is it the best decision I made? Did I happy with my choice? Or did I regret to death? 

My BFF was my schoolmate but we be friend only after school during school reunion. It was just friend back then. Then, he worked nearby me, and we became close. At first, we hanged out together with other friends as well. We become close as friend. Then, we went out just two of out. Watch some movie, eating, as well as shopping. Since then, I become his close friend. Sometime, we talk on phone after meeting. Sometime we texted until one of us fell asleep. I had crush on him since then.

Suddenly, he had to go back to hometown and worked there. I was surprised and sad at the same time since we were close. But I take it easily. We did contact each other. Sometime I say hi and asked how he was doing. We started became apart. We were still friend, But not as close as before.

After few years, I had to go back hometown too due to my personal reason and start my new life there. We become close again. We went for eating together. We went for the wedding. He shared so much, about his life, his personal life, his family, his work, even the secret that he did not share with anyone else. Same goes to me. I told him my problem. My sufferings. We become BFF again, and then I realized. The crush things that I had on him was not just a crush. I FELT FOR HIM!

For some reason, I personally think that he had same feeling as me. He never told, but sometime we can read all those hints. I was so confident that I thought I had to confess. I had those confident after he asked me to stay work in hometown when I was offered work in other city that far from him. That’s how I got my confident. I gathered all my courage and confess to him. To be honest he shocked and I was hurt since I did not expect that reaction.

He told me he was shocked that I had those feelings. He admitted that I was the closest female friend that he had. The closest friend that he had share all his problem. He was comfortable with me. But he did not had feeling towards me. I was just a friend to him. Ha asked me why? Why I fall for him. To be honest, I did not have any reason. I did not know why I like him. I could not find any reason why I love him.

We become distant. From a close friend to just a stranger. The friendship ruin. I hurt. Deeply wound. I try to be friend. Like old time, but I ended up hurting myself. It hurt me more seeing how okay he was doing. How okay he was without me, his closest friend. Did my place as a friend was being replaced? Did he not feeling like losing me?

Truthfully, the confession hurt me more than I thought it could. Our friendship ruined, but, I had to. There was no relationship between male and female. Either they fall for each other, or one of them did. In my case, it worse. I fall, but he did not. But I did not regret that I confessed. I did not regret that I fall for him. He was the best-friend I had. I never forget how kind he was, how much help he already done to me. I will cherish those moment. I never regret knowing him. I never regret confessed to him. I feel grateful he told me the truth. So that I won’t hurt more by having false hope. The only regret I had we became the stranger after all the things we done as BFF.

Dear FA, thank you. Thank you for being honest. Thank you to make me wakeup from the false hope. Im sorry, but I am still moving on. Do you know that it is really hard to move on from you? Do you know that you are not easy to forget? I am trying my best to get rid of this feeling. I wish you well. I wish you to meet good woman that destined to you. I wish for your happiness eventho it was not me.

Back to our topic, should you confess or not to your crush. That answer lies with you. It depends on how much risk you willing to take. In my opinion, I vote for confess. At least he knows, and you know how he feel rather than wait for it to happened. If he does feel the same, then you are lucky fella. Happy ending. End of the story. But if he does not, do not worry. At least you know. And you can give the chance to other people than wait for him. Other guy that might be the one. You will hurt, deeply hurt, but someday you will move on. I will.

So girls, gather your courage and start to confess to your crush. Please don’t keep those feeling to yourself and keep on having high hope, coz its really dangerous to your heart. I know it is not easy. You will think how close you guys are, and the thought that you are losing him will haunt you, but you cant wait forever, and there is no close- friendship between male and female. Trust me.

There is quote saying that we had to let go people we love, if it was mean to be, it will mean to be.

Till then, Bye. 

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Membaca tanpa mengomen ibarat berak x basuh. eii. yerk!

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